30 Days Of Me - Outline

I should have really put this up first. Here's the guideline I will be following along with everyone else doing this....I am about 5 days behind.

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends

Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Day 16- Another picture of yourself

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

Day 24- A letter to your parents

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

Day 26- What you think about your friends

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

Day 30- Your favorite song

30 Days Of Me - Day One

Since I haven't actually blogged like a said I would (surprise, surprise) I thought i'd jump on this bandwagon too. Good practice. We'll see how far I get...

A recent photo of me. (Today infact)

15 Facts about me:

1. I love bird songs and most birds. Hearing the Tui's birdsong makes me feel connected to the land, like I belong.

2. I fear ignorance more than offense. Ignorance is not bliss for those close to the ignorant.

3. I have a younger sister and brother. I love both immeasurably. We have been through a lot together.

4. I love finding new and good music and think it's just as important for the soul as 5+ a day is for the body.

5. I wish I never quit art at school after 4th form. I also wish I did dance and drama.

6. I can be painfully shy and awkward at times. I drink to combat this. This doesn't always benefit me and it often results with attacks of paranoia when I'm alone later.

7. I have very strong nails. They don't break and I have to cut them. I've never had a manicure. But I do love pedicures.

8. I am a mother of 2 boys. 6 and 8 years old. They are so much fun. My 8 year old recently dyed his hair bright pink. Yes I'm one of "those" mothers.

9. I married my husband over 10 years ago. We were just kids. It's been hell* but I have never regretted it. Ever. He is an extraordinary man. I love him so.

10. I feel like I am a red head trapped in a blonde's body. I have hated men for misunderstanding this about me.

11. I am an anthropology student.

12. I love what Atticus Finch said in To Kill a Mockingbird, "You can never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view - until you climb into his skin and walk around in it." This influenced me in my youth and I am forever reminded of it now that I study anthropology.

13. My mother grew up in India. In 2007 I traveled back there with her. I cannot put into words how important that experience was for me.

14. I have a butterfly tattoo on my wrist. No regrets no matter how cliche.

15. I have relapsing/remitting MS. Amongst other annoying auto-immune diseases. But really, it's not that bad. Truly.

* Clarification: It's been "hell" not because of who I married but when I married. (so young at the time - and hurt from our own childhoods) We have an amazing relationship but we didn't get it through "good luck".

Sigur Ros - Viorar Vel Til Loftarasa - English subtitles

Melancholic Monday

Beautiful music video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOuKdeZ2x-M&feature=player_embedded

I'll try to minimize the cute. But again, I couldn't resist.

Exam study

I've got an exam for my social anthropology 101 paper next Saturday so I've been revising what I've learned this semester and it's got me thinking on a few things in my life. Bodily symbols. My hair has been a major symbol in my life. My long, white blond hair communicated a certain "message" in my teens. What would you say of a platinum blonde? Ditzy? Fun? No self respect? "Keen"?? Cause that's how boys and men alike treated me. (With the few exceptions of course.)

After my boyfriend unexpectedly died at the age of 17 I wanted no more of this unwanted attention. I had become a "born again" Christian and my sexuality was not a welcome part of my "new life". Not knowing how to cope with my new asexuality I decided the easiest option was to shave my head. Rid myself of past identities and to start afresh. No more identity in my hair and consequently my sexuality please. So off it went.

As a new Christian, I thought my freshly shaved head meant that I was serious about this new life. It communicated the "dying to self" I heard preached each Sunday. I meant business. I became a "Jesus Freak." I banished my sexuality and started wearing army pants and T shirts to accompany my freshly shaven head. I would not be the "eye candy" of men any more and therefore would not have to worry about my sexuality because I had effectively killed it. No more unwanted sexual advances. My shaven head was a symbol: Old life gone. Sexuality gone. New commitment to Christ and His ways. (Which I saw a sex-less of course.)

This symbol however can be read differently as I was soon to find out. What do you think when you see a young women in army pants, T shirt, shaven head and pierced nose? Not born again Christian I would presume. My predators now became women. At a bar with my friends a young women approached me and asked, "Are you straight?...Or bendable? My friend wants to know."

Confusion ensued. I was a new Christian for fucks sake not a new Lesbian. Damn.

Bodily symbols. What are you actually communicating to the world?

Found this pic on the interweb. Too funny not to share.

Beautiful Jellyfish blog

http://justjellyfish.tumblr.com/ Enjoy!

Pretty bird.

Another whirl. Again

I have a new MacBook Pro. It makes typing so much more sexy. I feel like a undercover agent every time to open it up and log in. This, combined with an added interest from friends wanting to here more ramblings, I've decided to write more. Not very anonymous anymore. Haha, but I've decided I will continue to write as though I kinda am. Maybe I can trick myself into being a little honest about things that way. Indulge me. : )

Life has been interesting over the last year. By interesting I mean fucken hard. I am working through the heartaches of my life with fresh vision. Trying to strip away the "illusion" to get to "the reality." I am in the process of finding a therapist to do this with. Recently I was assessed by a psychiatrist who thankfully concluded that the problems I face are not mental but rather emotional. No anti-depressents or other meds needed but recommended a "Schema focussed or DBT orientated psychological programme" in a letter he sent to my GP. Here's a link I just found for a brief definition: http://www.schematherapy.com/id30.htm

So, you are welcome to follow me in this journey if you want. I will try to be honest without being depressing. : ) Actually, I am not depressed anyway. The main emotions I struggle with these days are anger and fear. But there is "a way" and I'm going to walk it.

I won't just blog about this aspect of my life. I have so much joy and laughter which will hopefully also peep through the chaos. xx