But then here are a few things I can celebrate about this year:
I went back to University study after a 12 year absence and became an A student.
I have my artwork on public display.
I woke up from an illusion I was believing in and changed direction in thought after years of self destructive behaviour.
I am still married to my best friend despite the odds stacked against us.
What then, has nourished me through the journey of this year so far?
They say death brings out the best and worst in people. In the grief of my struggles this year, I found that the people I knew were sifted. There were some that left me cold. However, overwhelmingly, the majority of my friends and family have shown me that love knows no bounds. I have been richly nourished by the love and grace of many.
My mother. She is my rock. What becomes of the broken hearted? They lead others into strength and freedom.
My husband. True love is long suffering. His humility and perseverance cannot be uttered. Grace is the key ingredient in any life-giving relationship.
The kindness of strangers. I have had many "chance" meetings of exceptional people this year. (Twitter included.) A small kind word here and there added buoyancy to the ocean of my experiences.
Other things that add nourishment to my journey:
Listening to Native NZ birdsongs. On CD if I can't get it live.
Walking. Listening it good music on my ipod if it had to be through the neighbourhood, but enjoying the sounds of the sea or the bush if I had time to walk beside or through them.
Stopping to look and be present when I see something beautiful. Taking the time to be thankful for that moment.
Embracing my erotic/creative self. Through all the senses. Touch, sight, sound, taste, smell. Savouring those moments and celebrating my body and it's connection with my lover and with life. Being present again. Without guilt.
Celebrating my son's lives. They are wise old souls. At 7 and 8 years of age they can't help but bring light, laughter and life wherever they are and whatever they do. I feel humbled by their presence in my life.
Starting barefoot ballet classes. It's crazy and beautiful.
Cityside. People who are inclusive and welcoming without expectations. Somewhere I can feel comfortable being me while I develop and strengthen my spirit.
Today I took communion. In peace. With Dave Dobbyn singing "Welcome Home" as the backing track. Yes, I belong. And yes, I have things to be both thankful AND proud of. They might be unseen, but as a 33 year old, I have done some great things this year.
(Photo not my own.)
2 comments:
What a wonderful entry. It sounds like not only did you accomplish a lot this year, but you have lots of nourishing facets in your life.
And I bet you're changing the world, too, even if you don't know it. I was glad to find your blog today because I've been considering looking for a church after a long hiatus away from that aspect of my life. Reading this was a reminder of how fulfilling it can be to be a part of a spiritual community.
Thanks for your feedback Sophia. You too look like you are on an interesting/challenging journey. I started following your blog. I wasn't able to comment there for some reason but I really appreciate your honesty too.
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